The Self Inspired “I”

I never had any plan for my future. From childhood I never thought what I want to be in life. Whenever I closed my eyes to see how I must look if I am in a profession, I saw the girl who is wearing a professional dress as: a black pencil skirt, white shirt and a black blazer, files in hand, on a pencil hill, walking upstairs through the steps and the office walls are white with big transparent glasses through which I can see the crystal clear blue sky with white clouds.

I did not have any clue where can it be possible, because I have never seen anyone like this except from movies or advertisement on the TV. That image of myself always gave the best feelings. Still it is the same since it has yet to be completed. But I am sure I am on the right track to achieve that simple beautiful dream.

Now it’s the time to tell my story. I am Sangita Mohanta a 30 years single girl or may be called as a lady. I belong from the place named Salua. It’s a village of North 24 Parganas, Near to Calcutta/Kolkata, West Bengal, India. When my father and mom was blessed with me, I was blessed to see the light of the World. This is why the best day for me is my birthday. I have all the beautiful memories from my childhood and also tough experiences of conservative family and rigid culture. My vision towards life was limited and it was the best part of my life. I feel, when we start planning for far future, it never works. Things work better without plans.

In my student life I was an average 50% scoring student and never failed in any class. Well that was really important at that moment. I had a very lean physic that my parents never forced too much to study a lot and I never had that feeling to study a lot. I really never had any idea how people get so much score by writing the same stuff it is written in the book. I always wrote the exam with the knowledge I had and whatever I understood. Now I feel it was the best thing I did. I didn’t load my head with those book lines which I did not even understand. Important is: knowing 100% of that 50% I scored.

So, when I completed 10th with a 2nd grade, my father was upset with me and did not speak with me for almost 15 days. That was difficult. I was only 16 and a poor little girl who was really immature to take decision which subject to study in 10+2 course. My mom was silent too, because my father was silent. So my innocent little heart took the first big decision to choose subject for 10+2. I looked at my mark sheet and saw it is less than 60% of mark and I am not applicable for Science. I had no idea about the sound of Commerce stream. So I am perfect for Arts stream. Well, I studied from West Bengal board, hence we had to study all type (Science,Arts both) of subjects till 10th board exam.

My journey of decision-making started from deciding the subjects and also it was the beginning of my learning process. I chose subjects as: Philosophy, Education, Home Science & management, History. English and Bengali was compulsory. I am a pure Bengali medium student through out my student life. I learned nice things from the subject Education and Home Science & management. I did not understand most of the part of Philosophy while I was in class 11th. So I decided to go for a private tuition so that I can pass the 12th board. Whatever I learned in Philosophy was because of my private tutor and I got highest score in Philosophy out of all the other subjects I studied.

 Now the time for another decision-making. I must study Philosophy in my graduation because I have got the best score only in this subject, NOT because I really loved the subject. My tiny little heart was still good in Math which she did not ever realize from her 10th score card. I had more scores in Science group than the Arts group I chose to study after 10th board. My mathematical mind told I must study Philosophy since I got more score in that subject and I must work where I am strong. With Philosophy honours I had to study two more subjects. That was difficult to decide, but I did it. I studied Sanskrit and Bengali literature.

Finally I was graduated in 4 years without fails. 4 years because, during the second year board exam I scored less in Philosophy and I was suggested by intelligent people, that I must go for improvement exam on my honours paper to gain more score and what I need to do is to sacrifice a year. That was the most stupid thing I ever did and I did it because of others. But best thing is I learned: my decision is best and it will always give me the best result. I started to be stronger in decision-making.

In that one year I couldn’t study the same stuff for the whole year and my restless mind decided to think something good for my future. I decided to be a Physiotherapist. I had joined one year certification program beside my college study. I became a certified Physiotherapist and also graduated the bachelor’s degree from the college.

Now another decision-making for my next movement for higher education. My well wishers told that the score I have got, I must try the Master’s degree from small University or Distance education or may be giving donation to join a better one. That was so sad that they did not inspire me to go for a good University at least to apply for Master’s degree. But I have applied for University of Calcutta and I was selected to get admission from the first list. I was happy and it was the time to say those well wishers a Good bye. I did.

My higher studies started. I started knowing my knowledge was least. I had to learn a lot. I started observing the way city people speak, how much they are good and what all good things I can learn. My University professors, my class mates my hostel mates told me a lot without their knowledge. I started become wise. I would say wise, because I started feeling I am here because of my own decisions and it is the best thing happening with me at this moment.

I completed Master’s degree and I wasn’t messed anymore on decision-making. It seems that was the Master’s to feel confident to take decisions. I think decision-making is the best and hardest thing in life. I was confident enough to achieve anything I will work on. That’s all.

I came back home after my Master’s and my restless mind started thinking what to do next as I told earlier, I never had the vision to see the far future. I saw advertisements on paper about MBA and wanted to pursue the degree. It did not happen because the huge amount of money I had to invest and it was uncertain for my father that I can make a good use of it. I did not force him and understood the situation. Next thing I did was giving interviews to get private sector jobs. But my father was furious on that decision. I was calm and thought which decision will make my father calm and also he will not force me to get married. Already I had given him lot of excuses not to get married. I decided to go for Government job and asked him to help me to get admission to a renowned coaching center. I started classes again. I learned again. I learned to be hard-working and started studying those books again which I studied in class 8th to 12th. I was mature enough to learn it better and understood how other classmates scored a lot. They might have understood all that time itself, but I was weak and immature to understand. I understood on my own level. I learned analyzing my life my thoughts. I made my life busy on routine study, going for class, going for manual Type writing classes. Those days were best to teach me the life. Struggling on Government jobs. Clearing the exams but not successful in the next level.

One fine day after one Bank exam I came out from the examination centre at North Kolkata, it was raining and I was walking alone and counting my scores I will get in that exam. I knew that I will pass the exam and I knew I will not get the chance in next level for interview because I have to go out of West Bengal where I am not applicable since I never studied Hindi as a language subject. Banking job requirement was to have local language to be a part of my 10th or 12th certificate. I did not have the third language in my school days.

I came back, told my Maa and Baba (mom & dad) that the exam was good and I will pass in it. It was to make them happy. But I couldn’t get over my sadness since I knew what is the future of this exam. My restless mind told me to plan for a backup or else I will need to go for the marriage which I have never planned after this many years of study.

Next day it was the day for a call to my uncle. He is a successful man in the corporate world. I asked my Maa to call my aunt if she can speak with my uncle and tell me what computer course I can do to get a job in private company. I really did not have any clue what is IT company and what is non-IT. I just had a certification on IT to learn the basic stuff in a computer. Which I did during my Master’s with the savings of my pocket-money.

My Maa called my Aunt and Aunt spoke with my uncle. I have no clue what made my uncle to call me directly out of his busy schedule. May be it was the call of my destiny. He called and asked what is making me feel that I will not get the government job He knew that I was doing well in Government job exams. Also why do I want to join private company. My justification was: I want to have the plan B. I want to pursue a career, a job by any means.

He asked me: “do you speak English?”

I: “a little”

He started speaking in English and asked me few questions. I replied him in English. He told: “do you want to come to Bangalore? I think you can speak English. If you want to give it a chance, you can visit Bangalore. If you can survive then it is good, if not then think that you have visited your uncle’s place for a month.”

I decided to go and my father told yes to it since I was going to visit my uncle’s place. My life changed in one day and I took the first flight on 10th December 2013. For the first time I travelled alone, in a flight, out of my state and reached a totally unexpected city. My journey begins here again.

My uncle helped me to get the job about what I had zero idea. I joined 7th January 2014. I didn’t know a single term of corporate world. My clumsy English and my heart was so scared. But I had promised myself to give it a chance and I must give my best. My training started on soft skill. I was poor in English pronunciation. I used to get blank whenever I had to speak. I cried, I fought with fear. One month was over. I was a bit comfortable with my peers. But how can I be so comfortable so soon. Next month: Technical training started. Now I cried again because of not knowing anything. My best peers helped me to finish the training. I tried hard. Negativity came on my way, I thought why my uncle has put me here!! he knew it well that I was a Philosophy student and this is not my cup of tea. Another mind told I am not going back to home, my father booked my flight ticket and also sending me money so that I can give it a try, so that I can survive.

Three months were completed. I have been assigned to a project and again training started. I already learned that I need to listen to everything and give it a try. I was determined to give it a try no matter how worst it was. I know the worst thing will be losing my job but, I will be alive.

I was ready to take any challenge to give it a damn chance. I stood up strong when people spoke behind me, people laughed at my poor knowledge. I was still giving my best on my own level. I learned standard sentences by listening others. I was learning by others action. Slowly I learned. Yes I learned the best in a best way for the damn “give it a try”.

I was working on better pronunciation in English. I was thinking, speaking and dreaming only in English. I was making sure I can speak up and people can understand and listen to me. I started thinking about work 24/7 how to do it better in every next day. I did it. During all those experiences I learned to survive Strong.

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