It took sometime to decide the title of my article today, after all I am writing about getting rid of conflicts. Today I will only talk about me and let you all find the message for yourself on your own.
I always felt I have a lot of questions but was unable to clarify what my questions were. Those were not verbal questions but more of conflicting feelings. I am 31 by age and now I understand why I did not find any words for my questions and why I was unable to figure out which words will construct a question. Well, the understanding doesn’t depend on age, I mean to say it took 30 years for me to get it.
All started at the end of my 30 years of age. I found something is wrong in my life and asked the first correct question to myself: What is the wrong thing in my life? I had to find it anyway with the highest priority I could think of. First thing I found I don’t really think, I just repeat everyday experiences collected from outside world. continuous repetition makes me feel bored, anxious, angry, sad and next day I would collect few more and so on. This is what I did for 30 years of my life. I never thought of get rid of anything, kept filling with junks. It seems the self-container was full of garbage experience that I had to think of making it empty or get overloaded and look like that dustbin which has never been cleaned and its whole surrounding has become a garbage area with bad smell.
I had to get rid of that garbage feeling, I had to be clean. That question made me look for the answer. Each day I came back home from office and thought what could be the answer? I found, answer would be my actions. I started taking actions and started making myself disconnected with the world. Why to disconnect from the world? Because I felt no human being knows what exactly going on inside me. No one serve my purpose. First I had to disconnect, later I can decide what to keep.
I was strict to take this action. I clearly mentioned to my loved ones that I need my time, I will get back to you once I am ready. They matters a lot, I am responsible to make them understand and they understood. Each day I felt better with my own company and there was a moment when I was in the forest, walking alone.
I looked around and felt the nature is still, there is no conflict.
The environment never changes. Trees are standing strongly, they never interrupt each other, wind passes without any conflict. That realisation was way too effective. I continued being with me and whenever walked outside tried to think of the Earth, nature and how it works. I found everything is so natural.
This is it. This was wrong within me. This is the answer I was looking for.
Immediately I took action on removing conflicts. What were those? All those experiences I have collected throughout my childhood, teenage, adulthood. I literally removed things like pictures, contacts, deleted useless social media accounts and uninstalled all the applications, kept distance from electronic devices without necessary requirement to avoid any conflicts on any stupid conversation with anyone who doesn’t matter at all and any unnecessary thing which doesn’t serve me any more. Re-organised the pattern of my daily activities from morning when I get up untill I fall asleep. I had cleaned that garbage feeling, now it doesn’t stink. It took time to come to the state I am today. All the actions were important to be in this process.
Any realisation and action takes time to become a valid result.
I felt good each day. I read books of my interest, watched videos of my interest, listened instrumental music, kept silent for a long time only focusing on my breathing and kept the mind empty. Thought of the Universe and the way it works. I found that there is no conflicts in the Universe. Being the human and having a brain is the reason of all conflicts. Else the Earth is moving on its orbit without any conflicts, it is balanced. It feels like it has the responsibility to hold us safe. The whole Universe with infinity numbers of planet and star serving without any conflicts. This one thought made me calm, contented, rooted and changed the whole thought process. Happiness is overloaded with peace. I am getting to know myself better every moment. Now I know what or who matters. This is the way to think beautifully and I am on it.
I feel happy that I found myself now, else I would have regretted at the age of 60. Or I might have been with the conflicts always untill death.
I am grateful to all the people with whom I interacted till date and I am thankful that I have the opportunity to meet so many people till the end of my life. I know all my realisations came from human interaction as well as from the nature. Some special encounters changed me totally like magic and helped to see the life differently like never before. Thank you for being with me. 🙂