I discovered the best lover of my life as myself which was triggered within me by my other half, my soul. The love is known to me as silent love which is nothing but learning self-love and loving myself beautifully. It was my sadhana (disciplined and dedicated practice to feel the result of worship) of years which finally started giving me the clues to walk on the right track towards self-love. I always knew everything happens for a reason and I must always avoid holding on anything which interrupts to walk away to have a vision to see the reason while looking back.
The Universe blessed me and at first I was being introduced by the term law-of-attraction. I started knowing it more and during the process I found that throughout my life I have been using it wisely and unknowingly. Since I started knowing it consciously I became more curious and Universe followed the command to give more and more knowledge each day. That was the first time I realized that I am receiving clues and I have to learn how to catch them better and learn from it. The clues are as the butterflies and the colorful flowers in a big garden. You feel so pleasant to see them all around.
On the way of collecting clues I was introduced with the twin-flame / soul-mate concept after meeting one of my soul mates or the twin-flame. I know it sounds spiritual, but the truth is, it wasn’t at all like that. Neither I was enlightened immediately nor I was mad on chasing him. I was wise enough not to chase him, instead I felt there is something wrong with me because of the intense feeling I started getting. My whole universe turned into a shell and I could not get over it.
That intense feeling started from the moment I was separated from him after our first communication. I couldn’t sit back for a moment and decided to find out what is it in this world I was never introduced with. I had to discover it anyway. I kept searching online about the feeling I was getting. I was not familiar with the term twin-flame and obviously I got to know more about it when read plenty of articles. I was surprised to see there are so many of them for years. What I found is: most of the people experienced intimate relationship immediately to know what that indescribable spirit is and they encountered a mess . Only the wise ones handled themselves better and may have understood the true purpose of twin-flame-journey.
Reading is always good to know better from others experiences. I asked myself: what could be the best reason to meet him at this point of my life? is it because I am ready now? Yes, it is. I am ready to know my higher self. As per my understanding a twin-flame or a soul-mate encounter creates a high vibrational magnetic field to connect with our higher self. It must be the same kind of force which send a satellite to the space. It needs a lots of energy and force to upgrade our-selves to fit into a new dimension of high frequency. We may call it spirituality, but I have named it self-awareness.
This is the beginning of my self-awareness journey which redirected me to learn what self-love is. I am writing it now because at this moment I have a clearer picture of what exactly happened with me or what is happening with me now. I initially did not feel to write it down based on the knowledge I got from others. My intuition said it is more than any kind of feminine-masculine relationship and I had to give it more time to go through it and experience on my own.
Coming back to the story, after the first meeting, conversation with him including the environment did not allow me to think of anything else for a single moment. I started analyzing the moment again and again to find any clue to help myself. When finally we met second time, I realised he is very calm and gentle. I liked it but that did not trigger anything else in my mind. I continued thinking about the second meeting including the first one like watching a movie. Our meeting intervals were distanced enough. I got plenty of time to check back and forth. The third time when I saw him sitting in a room with the same gentle stillness, it triggered in my mind I don’t have it or it is there within me, but I could not wake it up because I wasn’t introduced with the right definition of it.
Here I would say I am the runner like a kid. I almost ran inside me and started to search each corner of my heart-mind to get it. This is called struggle to see myself in a pitch dark room of self. Each time his presence was enough for me to run, having conversation was way too heavy to handle. It was like someone has kept a mirror in front of me and I never knew I look like the person in the mirror. That feelings made me crazy to understand what’s wrong with me, why I go insane whenever I see him, why it is making me restless and why I am in conflict with my self-image. It felt like I never knew myself.
Then the moment came where I was introduced with the term ‘self-love‘. I believed in the term but could not figure out how to love myself and also I questioned: Didn’t I know how to love myself or am I totally unaware that I did not learn how to love myself?
I felt like I am again at the beginning of knowing myself. I started to disconnect myself from anything unnecessary, cleaning myself as I described in my previous article “Conflicts: Get Rid of It“. It was fast paced and self-help behaviour being selfish towards the objective world. Then one fine evening I felt my soul while washing the dishes after my dinner. Suddenly I felt so sorry and spoke out loud:
” I am so sorry to add lot of suffering to you (my soul) because of my unawakened knowledge of you. I considered myself to get hurt from the obstacles of objective awareness. I promise I will take care of it here after to keep you happy. Now I understand if you are hurt, I will be hurt as well because we are not apart from each other”.
You may feel this is madness, I would have said the same. But now I have the explanation of it. Now I know what is the difference between the self–body and soul–body. From the time we are born we have known ourselves through the perception of our parents, family, friends. If you look at a new-born child what do you see? I see the child don’t know the language we speak, the child don’t know how the world and mankind communicate. How the child is going to learn? Through the perception of the parents and first level of family members. But does anybody think of the individual person the child is? and teach accordingly about the human communication? No, everyone teach the child based on their perception and that is the way we humankind works and to think the way I described is neither a part of our life, nor marked as so-called normal.
I had to understand this to know the difference between ‘Self’ and ‘I’. The ‘I’ is the one who is created by our well wishers. The ‘self’ is discovered by ‘I’ without being influenced by others. The ‘self’ describes the true nature of ‘I’ and it is the conscious mind. When I discovered my-‘self‘, I got the first feeling of self-love. I stood in front of the mirror and found I am the same as my twin-flame. I could see the same calmness. I could feel the gentle flow of the water which is carrying the peace within me. I must admit that he is the blessing to me from the Universe to walk and balance myself in the higher dimension. He was the first trigger in my life which opened my soul wide open to see all small learnings, experiences, reasons of the result I am today.
Slowly I reached to the point where the mind-body-soul was aligned. I don’t feel any expectation, I am grateful to feel the blessings in the right way and completing myself with conscious acceptance of true self. On the way of learning I never felt that I am going to lose anyone or anything. Now my understanding says in this Universe everything is aligned and placed in the right place at the right time. I just need to move with the Earth on my own axis and experience this human life.
I am experiencing it like a live telecast to be in peace and being with true self-love. This is the silent love I always needed. Now I feel I will know the true meaning of twin-flame or soulmate journey and I am sure it is going to be one of the most beautiful parts of my life. I am not mixing up things, but it is really difficult to define the difference of one soul based on two different bodies. It’s all about the ‘self’ and knowing how to balance the feminine energy and masculine energy. Both energies are available in both of our bodies. Hence it completes each within the ‘self‘.
Lunar eclipse 27th July 2018.
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