Now in my mature age I am finally able to figure out what I never understood. I happy that I am at least able to point those things out. From a very young age I understood it’s really easy to be me and difficult to learn what people are doing and the way they are doing. I was always exhausted or failed to learn. I find it funny now and also sure I won’t be able to learn it at all.
I am incredible in communication when it comes to my profession or when I am talking with my family. I am comfortable. But in between the profession and family I mess everything up. If I like someone, I have no idea how to communicate with them. I feel dumb. If I have to make new friends, I have no idea how to keep it up. Eventually I drop those plans or fail again & again. I don’t get frustrated but each time when it doesn’t work out I get upset although I know many are walking around just like me.
I have no social communication skill. Specially I don’t understand why society is doing whatever they are doing. That includes rules, religion, politics everything. I feel everyone is really good at acting and making all the stuff as a huge reality. I only see illusion and laugh at their act. I also belong to this human race but not the way that I have to act as if I understand everything. I know there are many out there just like me.
In family there are family dramas and in others sections there are many more melodrama. I thought I am also part of it and tried my best to make many dramas. And then one fine morning I felt what is the need of anything. Why can’t I just stop making any drama? I did but see I still need some melodrama to write my articles. This are the output of all my dramatic thought and situation and understanding.
Without any drama life is green not black & white as you might be thinking. Just need to learn to be quiet with words and keep the mind quiet. That is a natural state, not influenced by the human hypocrisy. Now I know what I cannot and I appreciate myself that I figured out what I can’t and what I can do. It’s OK not to be like everyone. We were mean to be unique and nourish all our uniqueness. We call those uniqueness as ‘imperfection’ where we have no idea what perfection is. We are so damn perfect. We are the unique manifestation of Source.