Early morning, it was 5:33. I woke up and thought to sleep again. Usually all my ‘why’ ‘what’ and ‘how’ come during this time. Today a feeling of fear came. No, I wasn’t afraid. I have given a life to myself where I am mentally secure. There is no fear that someone might be looking at me when I am undressed, no fear that someone might come over to touch me when I am sleeping, there is no fear that someone suddenly shame me without my understanding of what is happening. I know fear very very closely from my childhood and without any intention of taking control of my situation everything fall apart from me with time and released me from all those fears.
In my heart I always knew this is not going to happen for ever and now I know every stage of our life is just a phase to learn and experience even if it appears to be negative. I can definitely say that there were different stage in my life and I learned lessons. I am yet to categorise them as the days pass I learn more lessons from all those phases. I am not certain about how many phases it could be, so I let it teach me. I am sure one day I would think I have learned enough from the first half of my life. The first half I called as taking input only and wandering what is happening with me. It feels like we have suddenly got inside the Earth and started rotating with it instead of being still on the surface.
Coming back to the fear. There are endless type of fear we saw within and then release them with time. But, I feel the biggest fear human has within is the fear of surrender and it must be the most common fear. There are always few question when you fear Surrender: ‘what does surrender mean?’ , ‘why do I need to surrender?’, ‘what if I lose it if I surrender?’. There you go! We fear surrender because we fear losing it. Our ego says it could control the life as it wants and define life as hard and everything needs to be earned in hard ways.
But what your inner voice says? Doesn’t it say ‘I am tired of working hard’ ? doesn’t it say ‘I am tired of feeling everything is difficult’ ? and doesn’t it say ‘let it be lost, I can now relax’ ? Ah! that last sentence brings some peace if your inner self is really really tired with the actions of your ego.
Human can’t surrender until the inner voice take over the control over ego and says ‘it’s OK to lose’, ‘it’s OK to let it be and walk forward’, ‘it’s OK to let it take its own course’. When this state comes human surrenders and move on or wait without any resistance but, never try to take control over it again. The fear disappears. Human learn to trust on the action of Surrender.